International Interment

Hey ya'll,

I spent the weekend a small town called Dogboe which is in the southern part of Benin about 2 hours outside of Cotonou. I stayed there with another Volunteer, Jim, who is a really nice guy. The funeral was in an even smaller town called Asove and it was, oddly enough, a great time. I know that we are used to funerals in the states being really somber and sad but here, that's not the case. This funeral was a grand celebration. The deceased is the Father of my host mom (the mother from the family that I lived with during "stage" or training). My whole host family was there along with about 300 people. I took a bushtaxi (a car meant for 5 but packed with 6-10 or more people) from Dogboe in the morning and when I arrived in Asove, I wasn't sure exactly where the funeral was to be held. I gave the taxi driver the name of the hotel and asked if he knew where it was. He gave me a gruff no, pulled the car over, then said "Get out here". I was like, "Is this the hotel?" and he says "No, but it's where you're getting out." I figured that it was as good a place as any since I didn't know where I was going and started my walk through town. I stopped and tried to ask a few people about the hotel and they just pointed in a general direction so I just kept walking and figured that I would find it. I finally saw a long line of cars and people walking down this alley and sure enough, that was the place. I walk into this concession of houses and there are hundreds of people dressed in all manners of beautiful African fabric. Now,you should know that for any special occasion, people choose and purchase matching fabric or "tissue" and get outfits custom made. A funeral is no exception. I remember hearing Christopher X, a minister for the nation of Islam, speak a long time ago, about the way that African American people take pride in their appearances. He jokingly stated that even during the depression, we were dressed in Brooks Brothers suits! This was definitely a testament to the African tendency to be dressed to the nines especially for a special occasion. And there were various decorative patterns of fabric depending on how you were related to the deceased (monsieur Agahai). Monsieur Agahai, age 84, was in the national army so he knew tons of people. He also practiced polygamy so he had about four wives and, if I understand correctly, each of the wives offspring and their families wore a different tissue pattern. I didn't buy my tissue in time to have anything made but my host family had a beautiful blue, cream and green pattern which looked absolutely GORGEOUS on their jet Black skin.

When I arrived, it took me a while to find my host family but I ran into some other volunteers. I sat with them and ate three delicious courses of rice, beans, fish and drank enough sweet, sweet soda like Fizzy and Fanta to cause the Diabetes council to declare my body to be in a state of emergency. People walked around the concession with these HUGE pots of food and just scooped the stuff in a mountainous heap onto our plates. People here eat SO much. Sometimes I swear it's like visiting my great aunts in South Carolina who have no shame about piling more food onto your plate because they have decided that you haven't eaten enough. :o)

I decided to break off from the other volunteers and find my host family. I have to be honest and say that I get a bit sick of hanging out with volunteers so I try to keep it short and sweet. There is a belief that exists in the Peace Corps, at least in Peace Corps Benin, that as soon as you get here, every one of the random people that you are kind of just thrown together with is now your new best friend. Jim and I decided that it's like some horrible arranged marriage that we won't be able to get out of for two years. (smile)

I finally found my host family and my Ma'man (mother) took me around to introduce me to everyone. I swear she had like 20 brothers and sisters and lord only knows how many aunts, uncles, and cousins. Often, titles like brother or sister are used with people close to the family but in this case, I was given a rundown of their lineage and they were all, definitely, blood relatives.

The day was filled with amusements. There were 5 or 6 different performance groups including live bands, and two or three groups of traditional drummers and dancers. I got up and danced with my host family and one of my host moms younger brothers grabbed the microphone and started singing along with the band. It was GREAT!!! Events like this always make me feel so much like I am at home with my family. People are so warm and accepting that sometimes I forget I'm not related to them (that I know of). I'll sit with my neighbors and friends and catch myself saying "Girl, you crazy!" or some other phrase that I tend to use with people of my culture that I'm close to. I recognize that there are cultural differences that exists but it's focusing on the similarities that helps me stay grounded. I was talking to a volunteer here who is Mexican about how much we miss being able to use our respective vernaculars or just relax with people without having to constantly field all of the cultural questions that they have been too afraid to ask all of their lives. On the other hand, I am glad that people feel comfortable enough to ask me about and discuss cultural issues with me. I think that it's this type dialogue that will allow us to heal ourselves of the cultural ills that ail us. It amazes me how culturally aware we, in America, have convinced ourselves we are. Although we are doing a lot better than many other countries in terms of our level of cultural understanding and willingness to be considerate of one another, I think that its important to admit that we do have have difficulty discussing culture be it ethnic, religious, sexual preference, etc...

...Culture and any other topic that may be a little uncomfortable for us to think about. That's just my own independent theory.

Anyway, just before I left the funeral, they were handing out candy bags that were made for all of the guests. I left thinking "Does it get any better than this???"

The rest of the night I hung out with Jim and really got to know him better. A young white guy in his mid 20s from the midwest, . He was a great host! We went to this two story bar in Dogboe with a open rooftop and I got to sample some great Togolaise (from Togo) beers that aren't very easy to find here in Benin. Then we went back to his house where he made fried rice and we talked for hours. I was amazed to find out that we have a lot of the same views on things and it was great to have someone to share my experiences with openly. I realized how much I miss my platonic male friends (the few that I have). For the most part, platonic male/female relationships aren't very common in Benin so my visit with Jim was quite refreshing.

Lately, I have been missing: Big Macs, Taco Bell (Mexican pizzas), green grapes, dating, Target stores, sausage, grits, instant oatmeal, FDA restrictions, laundromats, bootleg CDs, and jelly bellies.

I always miss my family and friends. Especially my mommy and daddy whose birthdays I just missed. :o(

My current life soundtrack:
Things Fall Apart by the Roots
Worldwide Underground - Eryka Badu
Bizet's Carmen - performed by Jessye Norman
Isely's Greatest Hits - The Isely Brothers
Verve Remix - Various artists

Books I read recently:
Essential Hughes - Langston Hughes
Still life with woodpecker - Tom Robbins
Emma - Jane Austin
Agnes Gray - Anne Bronte
Manchild in the Promisedland - Claude Brown
The Poisonwood Bible - Barbara Kingsolver